33: Megan, you’re grounded.
Oh what I wouldn’t give for someone of authority to scold me and tell me I’m grounded. If only it meant something entirely different.
In addition to chasing a continuous thrill of adventure on this trip I’ve also ended up chasing the feeling of being grounded. When I define what feeling grounded means to me there is still a strong element of chaos included. Surprisingly so, I’ve been able to see the many sides to that chaos and bring some peace and ease to it. However, I’m most grounded when I feel, “this is where I’m supposed to be”. When you know it, you know it. Even still, I can feel grounded and in chaos all at once. My grandest moments of peace is when I have the feeling that I am in ecstatic conspiracy with the universe and the universe telling me, “You’re good Megan. Breathe.”
Over the past 10 months this feeling has come and gone in elaborate, complicated and intricate moments. It has spanned delicious stretches of minutes, hours and days. But most of the time, I feel this for a fleeting moment, lost quickly by the next moment, caught up in the next near catastrophe I’m trying to manage. When I sit in reflection of this, I can give myself and others the benefit of the doubt but in the moment it’s not so easy.
A seemingly normal bridge in India except that it’s jam packed with humans, cows, monkeys and screeching horns from motorcycles.
Yesterday I watched an Italian woman get scolded for not wearing the mandatory life jacket at a major tourist destination, a beautiful lagoon in the Philippines. I watched her swim begrudgingly to the ladder and get out of the water swearing in Italian the whole time. I laughed because I thought what a futile fight. What I quickly forgot was in the past week when a 15 passenger van almost hit me when I was 50% into a crosswalk I totally lost it. I hit the side of his van then turned around to yell at the driver. Did it make me feel better in the moment? Yes. Was it totally a futile fight? Most definitely yes. Do things like this happen all the time? Most definitely yes. These are the moments that take me from balanced, grounded and delightfully content to anger, outrage and an overwhelming sense of injustice. And the same way the Italian woman lost it, so do I. This special blend of impatience and injustice happens all the time. I sometimes refer to it as, this-shit-would-NEVER-happen-in-America-anger.
The aforementioned lagoon with required life jackets.
This is my own personal downfall (or to put a positive spin on it, growth edge). Part of it is likely because I’ve been on the road so long that I get into this habit of comparing things to the US. I can’t recall feeling like this so poignantly in the first 4 months of my trip whenever thing were new and fresh and I let things roll off my back more. Maybe I’d laugh and shake my head about those differences but I wouldn’t feel them so deeply. Or maybe South America just had other differences that I don’t feel here.
The major offenders have fit into 3 categories: traffic, infrastructure and people trying to rip you off. (Although I could also make a strong case for animal rights and pollution, but that’s a whole other blog post.) Throughout Nepal, India and Asia humans are of the lowest of lowest importance on the road. Humans don’t have the right of way, nor do people really care about humans on the road and that makes for lots of difficult days of crossing busy streets and avoiding cars and motorbikes, because if you don’t they won’t either. I’ve just become more aggressive and more vocal whenever I’m walking anywhere. It feels very much like when I lived in NYC and you didn’t take any shit from drivers. It’s a funny contradiction to the overly polite Portland drivers letting even a stray leaf blow through the crosswalk before driving.
Not the nicest bus but at least there was air flow.
I signed up for a day tour and the “bus” arrived to take us on a temple visit around Auroville. First of all, this was incredibly uncomfortable to squeeze 10 people into this truck, not to mention unsafe!
These are the typical boat taxis in the Philippines. Once they drop you off on the island you’re visiting for the day, they won’t leave you alone asking you 5 times when you want to go home so they get the 2 way taxi ticket.
Instant car sickness. These vans speed 100+ miles per hour around 1 lane roads in the Philippines and Laos.
There’s also the other reality of being a passenger while experiencing the absolute insanity of drivers in other countries. For one example (and there are many), I decided to spend a short 9 days in Laos and travel between 3 cities by bus, or rather minivan. Each leg of the trip was expected to be between 4-5 hours so it wasn’t a terrible duration on a van and I figured you could see a little of the countryside while driving. The first leg from Luang Prabang to Vang Vieng was hands down, the most terrifying ride of my life. The 15 passenger van was packed, every seat was filled and the driver sped through the mountains like his house was on fire. The tires would screech on each and every hairpin turn. To say he was speeding was an understatement. He would overtake other cars or vans on blind corners and drive like an absolute asshole. About an hour into the journey he killed the AC so the van wouldn’t overheat on the hills but didn’t tell any of us. Of course, I yelled forward from the back row to turn the AC on. He didn’t give a shit. Eventually he turned the AC back on but it was miserably hot and cramped for over an hour. Midway through the nightmare we got a 5 minute rest stop, I checked the tires, bald. And that’s just how it is. Once you’re on the road, you don’t have many options, you just pray that everything works out.
The second is infrastructure related. This category can fit a lot of things into it. For example, the hostel I’m staying in right now has the most uneven and giant steps. Every time I hike up them I think to myself, “Oh the injustice. These are so not ADA compliant. How is it even possible for people with different abilities to travel abroad?!” But it’s not just that. It’s bathrooms that constantly smell of raw sewage, no hot water in showers, no water pressure, terrible wifi, unpaved and terrible road conditions, trash that piles in heaps and smells of rotten everything especially in the intense heat and sun, and the list goes on. And yet after months and months you just turn a blind eye to this because it is so prevalent. The volume of infrastructure problems are matched only with the volume of people who don’t care - locals and tourists alike.
This is a totally normal scene in India.
The last is difficult because it has to do with human to human interaction. The thing I’ve loved learning is that it feels like we don’t give each other in the human race enough credit. 99.9% of the world is filled with genuinely nice and helpful humans. And if they aren’t helpful then likely they just don’t care about you and and that’s as good as helpful in my book. If you’re not bothered by me and you do me no harm then you fit into the nice category. But when you show up in a tourist place in a foreign country, the reality is, people want to take advantage of you and your money. And given that reality, it’s then your reality to create a defense to combat that. You have to develop a thicker skin, you get louder and more bold and do things you wouldn’t normally have to.
You can almost guarantee you’ll get ripped off or taken advantage of in tuk tuks around the world.
For example, throughout the world I end up bargaining hard for things that will save me $.50 or $1 and it’s crazy making. That is not real money and I realize that but I will leave a vendor stall because they won’t come down a $1 in price and I feel slighted. WHY?! It feels like in so many more ways that if you don’t negotiate you’ll get ripped off. In many places you start negotiating at 50% of the price they told you and this is for most things - souvenirs, clothes, taxis, etc. Getting ripped off on the road feels like more injustice because you’re dealing with a human that wants to take advantage of you. And that icky feeling is part of this bigger game. So often I’ll come back to a hostel and talk to other travelers about how much did you end up paying for that (tour, taxi, souvenir, etc)? And if either gets ripped off (which happens a lot) the other will say something to the tune of, “Oooooh dang. You totally got ripped off. I paid half of what you paid!” It’s infuriating because you want people to just give you the best price so we can all move on with our lives. This game of cat and mouse is tiresome.
Get ready to bargain, haggle, argue and negotiate until you finally just decide not to buy anything.
On a daily basis all of these things add up and there’s really only one thing that has made me feel perpetually grounded - being around friends. More specifically, friends who know me. Not the 24 hour friends that are wonderful and delightful in so many ways, but the friends where I can show up and be authentically and honestly me. Oh what joy it is to meet up with “my people” and have the most random and magical memories of doing something or absolutely nothing with them.
In a healthy dose of kismet, this chapter of my trip in SE Asia has provided me with a steady run of friends. This was not entirely planned on my part, it was just the happenstance and the miracle of the right time and the right place. I recognized when I’m with these friends the deep injustices I felt sort of washed away. Yes they were still there but it felt different and easier, not as offensive.
This blog post is dedicated to these unicorn humans I was so privileged, honored and lucky to see while traveling in SE Asia. You have helped take care of me, entertain me, love me, encourage me and most of all ground me in so many beautiful ways
We arrived in Penang during Chinese New Year, this temple puts up thousands of lights in celebration. It was an incredible sight.
An obligatory photo of Jamie and Michael on our Penang art walking tour.
A beautiful temple in town all decked out for CNY.
The most wonderful reunion with Girl Jamie!
First stop, Penang, Malaysia
Jamie and Michael
Malaysia was not even on my C list of places to visit. It wasn’t even a consideration when I left last year. As I neared the end of my adventures in India I was looking for more time with people I knew and Jamie and Michael happened to be on their own 4 month sabbatical from New Zealand to Bali to Pengang and ending in Cambodia. They had a great plan, they rented an AirBnb for a month (except in New Zealand) and really got to know the city and country better. I first met them in Penang where they had a 3 bed AirBnB and let me crash for a week. It was a little slice of heaven. Penang is super hot so most of our outings landed us at the Mall with AC or out and about in town in the evenings once the sun set. Penang isn’t the wildest of tourist towns, but it was a delightful reprieve from the dirt, noise and chaos of India. I kept thinking, wow, Malaysia is so clean and traffic laws really work here.
Our week was filled with long chats about life, cheap foot massages, grocery store runs (which renewed my sense of profound joy for grocery stores), leaving the apartment for 1-2 hours before getting too sweaty and coming back, swimming in the apartment pool and sleeping in.
Nicki and I took a Batik making class. SO MUCH FUN!
I was the “special” guest in Wati’s classroom one morning. We practiced English and in general, just made more chaos.
Wati brought me home a Durian fruit to try. TERRIBLE! Once is enough, never again.
Wati Melawati!
Next up, Bandung, Indonesia Reunion
Nicki and Wati
After Penang it was a no-brainer to go visit Nicki and Wati in Indonesia. 10 years ago we came to Indonesia to see them and to vacation in Bali. It was totally wild to come back 10 years later and experience the country and to see how their life has changed and evolved in the most beautiful ways. Since I was there last, Wati has a little baby boy who is such a sweetie. Nicki has started her own school helping kids with learning disabilities. Her school is located in 2 different locations and it was such a treat to go see both locations and meet the teachers and kids. I was blown away by how incredibly driven, smart and wildly inspiring Nicki is. It’s clear that Nicki has made a beautiful life in Indonesia and I was so fortunate to get to see her in her home 10 years later. I’m incredibly close with Nicki and her family, she is the older sister of my bestie Rachel Pilliod so it was basically like I got to see family.
Nicki also took the week off to show me around (the benefits of being the boss!) and we did a little of everything including multiple stops for my favorite treat - McDonald’s dipped cones. It’s a disease, I’m obsessed.
Touring Buddhist temples and monuments.
We took the most delicious vegan cooking class!
Kathy convinced me to try the fish pedicure…it was weird.
Live action shot! Riding through Chiang Mai in tuk tuks.
Moving on to Chiang Mai, Thailand
Dennis and Kathy
I met Dennis and Kathy at Esalen in 2015. It was my first year there (and theirs) and I don’t know how to explain the magic of the universe that sent me these incredible humans. We became fast friends and since I’ve had the joy to see them again in 2016 when I flew to Tulum, Mexico to attend a yoga retreat they were teaching. Unfortunately 2016 was the last time we saw each other in person…until now!
Like many others, I opted them into my email list and so when they knew I was traveling this year it coincided with a vacation they had planned. It took a few months of some back and forth, planning things far in advance are a bit more difficult since I don’t have a firm itinerary but I knew I had to see them and so it was. I flew to Chiang Mai, Thailand and spent about 8 days there. Dennis and Kathy’s visit overlapped mine for about 3 days and it was absolutely fantastic to see them. We did a little bit of everything but we never stopped chatting about life and laughing. It was beautiful to see them and what a gift to see them on this journey. Shameless plug - they recently wrote this beautiful book, consider purchasing it!
In front of Angkor Wat on an incredibly hot but amazing day.
A shot of a young monk from our free photo tour day.
We found the only Mexican restaurant in Siem Reap and these $4 jugs of frozen margaritas. We made a mess of it and it was fantastic.
Jamie and I went to Cambodia first ever Tech / Startup conference in the capital, Phenom Penh. It was a very fascinating and inspiring weekend.
Siem Reap, Cambodia
Jamie and Michael
So sweet it was worth a repeat. That’s right, I met Jamie and Michael in Siem Reap for round 2. More than anything, they were incredibly generous in letting me come hang out with them again. Speaking for myself, I had such a wonderful time the first round that I wanted to be around my people and so I equally asked/showed up in Cambodia. This time, they had a studio apartment in Siem Reap so I stayed down the street at another hostel but on a daily basis we hung out, had coffee or dinner and did some touring. It was awesome and magical and wonderful. The highlight was the day we spent at Ankor Wat on a private tour.
- M
