30: Need vs Want

As previously stated, India was hard. And with that difficulty I lost sight of a lot of things, one of them was a fundamental truth that I needed to establish on this trip — need vs want. There are things I need on this trip; shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant (although arguably you don’t need this in India). But there are oh so many more things I see that I want. Baubles! Jewels! Hand woven baskets! Leather shoes, purses, rugs and more! The list could go on and on, there is no shortage of beautiful and affordable things to buy in this world. 

However, when you have to carry both needs and wants on your back things get really interesting really quickly. 

The past few months my backpack has gotten heavier and heavier. While in Nepal and India I’ve shipped 4 boxes home that are filled with treasures that my internal voice told me very loudly and very clearly that I wanted which turned into needed.  

More often than not I succumb to the power of want, especially in India. I tried to ask myself if the item was so unique I’d never be able to find it back in the States but there was a burning desire of want which overcame my logical self and the reality of the size and weight of my backpack. 

If I had only been on a 2 week vacation I would have, with no regrets, purchased and schlepped any and all of these things back with me. But I wasn’t on vacation. And after months of traveling I needed to come back to the realization that these things were becoming stand-ins for happiness. I was trying to buy my way through India in the hopes that it also brought me small moments of joy. And don’t get me wrong, there were some amazing things to buy, but to what end? This is a pattern that I can also recognize from home. Far too often I could sit on my couch watching TV and aimlessly looking for stuff I “needed” to buy online. It’s a pointless time filler and way to reinforce the false equation that things = happiness. 

Now that I’ve left India I can see how this filled my days. I’d be on the search to buy things but in reality to buy something to replace, even for a moment, the difficulties and hardships I was facing in India. In reflection I realized how little I purchased for the first 3 months in Latin America and knew that I needed to reflect on this. It wasn’t until I left India that it came into focus. 

After a very relaxing and chill week in Penang, Malaysia the scales feel like they balanced back out. The crushing weight of India had softened and it felt easier again. I gave things away. I got rid of things I didn’t need. I shipped home things that I’ve carried around for 5 months that I may need if just the right circumstances were to pop up, cough, a raincoat. (I used a raincoat once in Mexico City all the way back in July. ONCE! It was a waste of space but I couldn’t throw away a $100 raincoat so it stayed in my backpack for way too long.) 

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My Beautiful Week in Penang, Malaysia

Chinese New Year (CNY) 2019 in Penang, Malaysia.

CNY festivities included a hot air balloon festival.

Girl Jamie! The best of the best.

Street art walking tour in Penang. (Not pictured, the humidity.)

Jamie and I worked together in Portland waaaaay back in 2008.

Got to hang with Michael (Jamie’s husband) on this trip!

Wishing ribbons at the local temple for CNY.

Now, my pack is back down to a very manageable 15 kilos (33 lbs). I’m closer, but not quite there yet, to having just 2 of everything; 2 jeans, 2 shorts, 2 dresses, 2 long sleeves, etc. 

People all over the world see or feel my backpack and have equal reactions - either shock at the fact that it’s too heavy or shock that I only have 1 backpack to travel for a year. But the reality is, this backpack is plenty big enough for a year of traveling. I knew I’d have to learn this lesson and figure out a way in which to manage the weight of my wants and needs but more than that, this is one of the learnings I hope to bring home with me. What does my life look like with less things and more experiences? On this trip I have not measured joy by the number of things I have in my pack or have shipped home but the things I’ve seen and done. It sounds so obvious because it is. How do I bring this understanding back to my life in a meaningful way? What things are really the most important to me?

- M