25: To All the Rule Breakers

First thing first, I’m not (entirely) convinced that OSHO is a full blown cult. What I do know, and need no convincing of, is that it is a cult of personality. And this loud, messy, unorganized, very American personality does not fit in here. 

My time in OSHO is coming to an end and with both gratitude and regret I’m closing this chapter of my journey. Please also accept my sincere and laughable thanks to the many people who offered to fly to India to rescue me if anything were to have gone sideways. I can say with confidence that I’m still very much the same old me. 

Even though I’m not planning on becoming a sannyasin or dedicating my life’s spiritual studies to OSHO, there are things that were lovely about the last 2 weeks. These next blog posts give a view of the best and less-than-best experiences over my 2+ weeks at OSHO. Because in this moment I can’t honestly say it was all bad. It just wasn’t very JUICY for me. (Emphasis here on the “me” part. This was my experience.) If I’m going to spend this much money on a posh, rule laden, robe-wearing, once-in-a-lifetime experience, I want it to be the most delicious.

Every week these daily schedules are released with all of the events and happenings. Anyone who has a day pass to the resort gets to attend as many of these as they want. There is a whole other multi-day workshop schedule as well. There is LOTS to do here which was awesome.

There’s likely a lot of things that go into trying to make OSHO a juicy place for folks. And some of those things I really loved and many other facets I just rolled my eyes at. I struggled with, and continue to struggle with, some of the expectations and rules. Emphasis on the rules part. 

First of all, OSHO is expensive, even for American standards. I happened to sign up for a 2 week live in program thinking that this would be the biggest bang for my buck. Also feeling like 2 weeks was a good amount of time to fully submerge and experience the place. That program comes with 6 credits you can use towards classes or workshops and it includes a private room. Food was not included. I repeat, FOOD WAS NOT INCLUDED. (eye roll) Not only that, you had to buy robes for daily activities - red for anything that happens during the day and white for the evening meeting. If you wanted to go swimming in the awesome pool, you guessed it, more money. You even have to buy a red bathing suit to access this awesome pool and you have to pay an additional fee for daily pool access.

If you wanted to do literally anything extra, it costs more money. I was sort of expecting this but dang! My bank account took a hit after being here for 2 weeks. This was not my favorite aspect of OSHO. This place is waaaay too spendy and especially expensive for India.  

Cash is not accepted at the resort. You have to buy these sort of annoying punch cards. “Conveniently” while I was here the price of food also increased because it is high season and many more people showed up. (eye roll)

OSHO being expensive is one thing, but there are much bigger realities to discuss here. What I quickly came to understand is that this organization follows the very strict and very clear teachings of their Guru. (Side note: what do you even call OSHO? A religion? A group? A movement? I have no clue.) In theory I understood this beforehand but I didn’t really get it until I arrived. I figured that OSHO International would be like many other retreat centers and experiences I’ve participated in around the world - find what works for you and do it. That has not been my experience at OSHO. It feels like a pretty by the books kind of place. Everything has a clear and tangible, “it’s this way because OSHO said so.” I haven’t experienced an environment that has been so strictly doctrined to the teachings of one person, call me naive because clearly I was not raised nor currently participate in organized religion. All that said, I could likely get behind OSHO regardless of how expensive it was and the Guru-is-God sentiment if not for how strict it felt there.

There are written rules, then there are rules for the written rules and then there are rules that are expected but not written or communicated. And that’s just the way it is.

This is the OSHO bookstore that I never stepped foot in because this bookstore is only filled with hundreds of books written by only OSHO. (Photo from the internet)

And here is where Megan enters. In general I’ve built my life around precariously balancing the identities of “ardent rule follower” and “your rules can suck it.” It’s a funny balance that I don’t think many people realize about me because they seem me more as a “fuck it” kind of person. Not the case at all. Scratch the surface just a tiny bit and I’m right there, following the rules - wait your turn, do not use your cell phones in the car, never ask for different food if it shows up to your table and is disgusting. So when I showed up at OSHO, I figured ok, there’s some rules, got it. But what I didn’t realize is that the rules were both stupid and presented in a way that made you think you had a choice but actually there was no choice. At OSHO “highly recommended” is the new required. 

It didn’t take long for me to delighted in my silent, tiny, and intentional small acts of rebellion. 

Me most days: “Oh really, tell me more about what else is highly recommended…?”

First up on my rebellion is that photography is banned at OSHO, especially photos of other participants (which I totally understand). Part rule follower and part rule breaker, I took some secret photos while I was here. They aren’t the best photos because, duh, I couldn’t take many legally.

The MOST amazing swimming pool I never actually used. I just couldn’t bring myself to buying a $25 red bathing suit and paying $3 per day to use it. (Illegally taken photo)

There were peacocks roaming around adding to the “vibe”. (Illegally taken photo)

The schedule, as you can see from the photo above, is a jam packed day with meditations, events, meetings, etc. It’s totally up to you what you want to attend and when. Most all of these meditations have been created by OSHO. Insert lots and lots and lots of “highly recommended” comments from people who work here. As the general “rule”, the organization wants to you to attend (at a minimum) the following:

• 6:00AM Dynamic Meditation  

• 4:15PM Kundalini  

• 6:40-8:40PM Evening Meeting 

(Outside) The OSHO Auditorium. Aka The Pyramid of Doom. Aka A Giant Auditorium where cult-like things happen in. (Photo from the internet)

(Inside) This is what the evening ceremony looks like. But there’s also dancing, and raising your hands and shouting OSHO! and also talking in gibberish. And for me, sleeping. (Photo from the internet)

First of all, I’m not a morning person. I went to the 6AM meditation (on Christmas Day no less) and immediately regretted it. Not for me folks. It’s a pretty aggressive meditation and I get that with more time = more benefit but sleep is also pretty rad if I don’t want to be a monster during the day.

I also attended the evening meeting once and that was a trip! This is where you have to wear all white. The day I happened to attend was a very long day for me so I basically slept through the entire thing. You sit on a cold marble floor and dance and shout and then talk in gibberish. The pinnacle is watching a video talk from OSHO which could be 40 - 60 minutes of somewhat interesting topics and also some weird rambling. I honestly was not compelled to do it and never went back.

I also found it incredibly hard to be invested in this ceremony because as I sat there and watched OSHO (likely from the 80’s) in his blue lamé turban and diamond encrusted watch I couldn’t help but feeling the obvious conflict - is this guy real? We’re supposed to be reaching spiritual heights and also you have a lot of money? Really? We’re all here in celebration of him, but sometimes we should also call BS on this.

Just casual OSHO holding a motorcycle I bet he never rode in his life. Hell, neither would I if I had 75 Rolls-Royce limos. This was a very similar outfit to the one on the video from the only Evening Meeting I attended. Gotta give it to him though, he owned 80’s fashion.

And that conflict perfectly describes my experiences here. Some days were total BS and others were just fine. I couldn’t help but feel like I was always breaking the rules and not doing the “highly recommended” things that were supposedly going to benefit my experience there. Most days I attended Kundalini, a weird OSHO version that I ended up quite enjoying. Plus I’m pretty game to do anything at 4pm. After that session I’d go back to my room, change and head into town to my favorite coffee shop or out to dinner solo. I’d roam all over town and find things to entertain myself with. During the hours of 6:40-8:30PM the resort is on lock down, you aren’t supposed to leave and you can’t access anything on campus because you’re supposed to be at the evening meeting. I didn’t really care, I would usually leave my room and head into town during that time and be back on campus by 9PM for the evening social events.

Yes, that’s right. Every evening OSHO has a schedule of events from Karaoke to Sannyassin’s Got Talent to dance parties. They’re weird and fun and strange, all of the best things rolled into one. Another sort of odd part is that after the evening meeting you don’t have to wear your robes so everyone shows up in their normal street clothes to let lose. Sannyasins gone wild.

Red robes in the wild. You’re really not supposed to leave the resort in your robes, but many people do. I felt like everyone was staring at me and I was only gone for 15 minutes.

The resort primarily only takes cash (which is part suspicious and also pretty standard in India) so I had to go to the ATM and instead of the hassle of changing I just went for it.

While all of these are annoyances, and some feeling more significant than others, the event that I am still so thoroughly confused and angry about is when I got yelled at. Some may call it being “talked to” but I very much see it as getting disciplined with side serving of threatened. 

When I arrived, I was shown my room and if my memory serves, I wasn’t informed that there were more “highly recommended” rules that I was to follow. Rather, there was a small piece of paper in the room with rules clearly written out that I glanced through and thought, “Sure, seems reasonable enough”. 

I will and can accept that I did not read that paper carefully enough because 1 week later was cleaning day and there was an expectation that I would take off the sheets off my bed and leave the clean sheets (that I found in the closet) on the bed for the housekeeping staff to re-make. I would then have to take my dirty sheets to the laundry (which, to my delight, was included free of charge in my program. Free laundry is the best laundry.) This rule was summarized in 1 sentence and I did not read it.

Later that day, housekeeping left me a note on my bed saying that I did not follow the rules, oops. I figured, no big deal. I’m an adult and I can take care of all of these things on my own. I chalked this up to a case of “Megan being lazy”.

Two days later, I happened to be sitting out in the courtyard in front of my room when two women from guest services approached me. They said, “We were looking for you. Do you have a minute to talk?” Alarm bells sounded and in my gut I was like, “Oh shit, what did I do now?” They then proceeded to tell me that “I’ve been reported” and that there are rules to the living in program and one of those rules is to keep your room clean and free of clutter. You also have to make your bed everyday. Truthfully, this was the first time I had heard these rules. I was living in a private room with a private bathroom and now I’m being informed that I have to keep my room clean? Why? No really, tell me why. Did I make my bed everyday? Nope. Was the desk in the room cluttered with papers and art supplies? Yes. Definitely yes. But why does that matter? This is my mess, no one else’s. 

Messy me! Also, this scarf was forbidden. I can only wear it because we weren’t inside the resort. It was not allowed because it was not entirely maroon.

I immediately felt like I was 8 again was getting scolded by adults for being a “bad girl”. It wasn’t a conversation, they didn’t want to hear any feedback from me, specifically that these rules were not written down anywhere and no one told me when I was shown my room that there were these expectations. I later realized that these women had also entered my room right before I saw them outside to leave me a note to come discuss with them. So my conspiracy theory mind began to race. Are others also coming into our rooms? Does this happen often? How often? Who reported me? What is happening in this place? And so on.

The final knife twist was the not-so-subtle comment, “We don’t want to have to tell you a second time, otherwise we may have to ask you to leave.” The rule follower in me was like, “shit girl, get your life together and follow the rules” but the rebel in me was also battling that. No one told me this was the expectation. Don’t yell at me and subtly threaten me, have a conversation with me. Furthermore, don’t ruin my day. I was sitting outside during a 10 minute break of a painting class I took and it was the single most beautiful morning I had in my entire experience at OSHO and these women came up and shit all over it. (Of course, the realist in me is like, ok, here’s where the work begins. They don’t own your emotions. Let this go, relax, focus, realize people suck at communication, don’t take this personally, clean your room and move on. But dammit! That’s hard to do.) 

Luckily, they never caught me breaking the cardinal rule - no eating in your room. I’m pretty sure that I could have been kicked out for that because it wasn’t like an “oopsie, this happened once” event. It was like, I regularly ordered and had food delivered to the main gates so I wasn’t subjected to buying more of the overpriced food in the resort. Eating in your room is the one rule I knowingly and honestly read and choose to ignore. I mean come on, don’t put a fridge in my room if you don’t want me to fill it with food I’m going to eat. (eye roll)

My favorite coffee shop INCLUDING Christmas decorations. Amazing.

Favorite cafe #2. Also, the saddest and most beautiful Christmas tree popped up one day. Loved it.

All of these things sort of left me alone and solitary. In addition to feeling like I wasn’t really vibing with the OSHO culture, I also didn’t feel like I was creating a meaningful community there. I felt more alone and isolated for all of the reasons above. I questioned this experience, “Is everyone else getting it but me?” And it took days for me to see that while yes, I was likely the exception feeling like an outsider, there was still value and merit to this experience.

I’m open to the very real and very valid feedback from people that could say, “But Megan, you didn’t really try, did you?” Fair. And to that I’d say you are right. I can see the conflict in my lack of enthusiasm and participation. Perhaps I would have felt more connected and more impacted if I made more effort, isn’t that the reality to anything in life? The more effort you put in, the more you get out of it? At the same time I wanted to take OSHO way, way, WAY less seriously. It’s rigidity and rules were off putting. I also showed up to OSHO with some really big comparisons shoes to fill (Esalen) and in a real State of Sadness (read blog post 24 on this topic). These factors all compounded to result in a general sense of “that was interesting, what’s next?” few weeks at OSHO.

Could OSHO be a modern day cult with all these rules? The exorbitant fees and “OSHO’s way or the highway” mentality? Maybe. But for me, it was just another place where you could do some weird and unique meditations and meet some interesting people. 

So to all the rule breakers, I salute you. You’re a force to be reckon with and I count my silent protests in the ranks of your like. 

- M